Enough Already.

Say goodbye to the sound of your sisters footsteps when she's trying desperately not to wake you up at night.

Say goodbye to an extra 10 from mom because she wants you having fun with new friends because you haven't smiled for so long and maybe the drought can end with a flood.

Say goodbye to curfew and keeping out of the street light's trouble.

Say goodbye.

Say goodbye to the friendships that passed you when you were blinkering to change lanes.

Say goodbye to the autumn leaves because they won't last long and they should be treated like miracles in their terminal lives.

Say goodbye to the phone call that left you in a room where the door is too small and the key is on the table.

Say goodbye at the sunset because no one says much to him and eating lunch alone on a planet full of watching eyes has got to be hard.

Say something more than goodbye to your father as you leave for school, because he's trying so hard to convince you it's okay to unlock your window for him.

A conversation should consist of more than Mary Poppins has under her magical umbrella.

When was the last time you danced on the treetops and let a bird kiss your french fries on the beach?

Did you Live this morning or did you simply wake up and brush your teeth?

Before you can find the right apology letter to intertwine with your goodbye this world will be on the back car of a train that left 3 hours ago. and you don't even know where it's going anymore because your ticket is for the bus and busy streets and brand new freshman like you are all boarding, grabbing thin rails,
and this is concrete.

Say goodbye to the caved in walls and the chocolate muffins that were never that good and the *please excuse that bell* because the bricks are stacking up and you can't avoid the decision any longer.

Say goodbye to the crayons and the checking your email once a year and having a savings account.

College is coming. and you're about to lose your last goodbye.

A day at the fair.

The anxiety is eating me like a knife.
There's a sticker on my mirror and I don't know why I don't just take it down.

There's a subtle glow from this computer screen on my face and I wonder if you see it from the window.
Take a moment to count the cracks in your framework.

You offered me three different smoothies but I already had three different desserts tonight. 

Do you think owls are offended that Hooters disintegrates them so lowly?

I start the same book every summer, and although I always get a little farther, I never finish. 

Eventually, though.

Why aren't M&M's all one color?
Do dancers really need a thousand trophies that are taller than they'll ever be?
I haven't cried so much after throwing up in God knows how long.

I don't listen to music enough, and I think it's because I don't know what to listen to.


If the shade is such a good thing why do people spend so much money to visit the sun?
There's a brim on your hat to cover the brim on your eyes.
I buy things I'm not happy with and then I buy them again.
Being hipster is for the people who have enough money to follow their dreams with a debit card.
Glassy eyes are the scariest memory a child can have.

I like the Olympics because I can remember you there. 

Fairy Tales were written so Disney could make money and boys would dress nicer.
The color pink is a figment of your imagination and I'd like for you to keep it bottled up in your world so mine can be at peace.
My mom told me I need to use lotion if I want to stop hating everything about my legs.

There's a ticket stub of yours in my room that I don't want to move because you placed it there and how can you just rearrange a memory?
There's a Powerade on my bed to make me stop being sick but it's a disorder not a disease.

I'd like to think my thoughts amuse you, but they rarely amuse me.

Slowly Different.

Break a snow-globe because it's July and you want snow.
Count the eyelashes you own and then count them again.
Pop the hood of your car to hear what it sounds like to turnover the realest thing a robot has to offer.
Break a seashell because the sound of the ocean lulls you into it's terrible destruction. It's cruel, so why shouldn't you be?


I used to wonder why thunder and the sun came from the same place.
I used to ask God why other places had bombs and we had daffodils.
I thought long and hard about apples absorbing the color green but bouncing back the color red.
I put quotes on my wall, once upon a time.


Curiosity has been killed by the world we live in.


High school is a blender and we're all begging to be in the smoothie. We're taught from the day we enter 7th grade NOT to be too different. No one says it out loud but I think the walls whisper it behind silly conversations. Slowly the creativity and the "change the world" attitude fall into the back burner and become nothing but wisps.

Slowly we forget that we can have snow in July and inspiring words on the wall.

Quarters and Street Corners

My mother taught me to love everyone because everyone needs love.  

         I learned there are scarier things in this life than giving a piece of your time and not getting it back.                

Sirens cross the street everyday and most of us pay no mind to the broken bodies they could be racing to salvage. If you'd spend a day outside Happy Valley you'd feel the loveless lives stuck on street corners and chained to cardboard signs. Beggars reaching for any ounce of the nourishment they've never had. A little farther and you'll find desperates impersonating love with lust, hoping to make ends meet because real love no longer matters when your two year old can't scrape by on food stamps. Tired eyes are looking up to mommy because stomachs are growling and the last meal was taken from a trash can.

There are prisons filled with people who shut their everything to the affection that family and friends and strangers giving quarters tried to deliver. There are hospital beds that mourn for the decrepit trying to grasp a last drop of love from the IV that pumps everywhere but their heart. 

Flowers sell in the stores for above average prices so below average people can tell their special someones they look beautiful in that shirt that brings out their eyes. But do we know how to love with more than just flowers? and chocolates and cards? 

Do we remember what it felt like the first time we were held? How much devotion was brimming from the fingers that cooed with us. Do we care that right now, there is a child who didn't forget these feelings, because they were never his to remember?

Are you aware of the street corners and the prisons Lone Peak has to offer? Have you seen the cardboard signs in the hallway and the trade of lust for approval, for recognition?
There are crying eyes behind the spaces love forgot to seep and everyday our steps make more cracks  we forget to fill. 

My mother taught me to love everyone.

               There are scarier things than giving love to someone who doesn't know to give it back. 

"You've chapsticked a lot tonight"

If things were my way radio stations wouldn't be based on genre, they'd be based on emotions and experiences.

There would be a happily in love station, and a break-up station. No, two breakup stations: "I miss you take me back" and "SCREW YOU"

There'd be a dance party station and a 'pissed because you just fought with your dad' station. and probably still Radio Disney if we're being honest.

If this was my world you could illegally download clothes.

Pinterest would have more hits than Elvis Presley. The only downside is you can't pick what size the picture is taken of and well, you get the size shown. Stupid models and their 4 inch bodies.

If I were an engineer cars would run on carbon dioxide. So as long as you're still alive, you can still have places to be. They could give off oxygen too. Take that electric cars, I've one upped you in the environmental trend.

If I had a say we'd be paid to be healthy. No more Michelle Obama pushing packaged portion sizes down our throat. No casual obesity. You work out and you eat right cause it's gonna help you pay off your mortgage. 

If I ran the show chapstick could go through the wash, no problems. You can't imagine how many free aggie mint and raspberry lemonade blistex's I've gone through in the last 5 loads alone. Or at least there should be a warranty, so if it goes through the wash Wal-Mart will supply a new one. That would save me 5 bucks a month.

If I could pick I'd be the cheerleader,

and people would like me even when I said snotty things, and made you feel - p a t h e t i c - The starting line-up would line-up for a shot with me and I would toss my hair and act indifferent. 

If life were my way I'd have great ideas for posts.

Then maybe you'd come back and check me weekly.

but THIS IS MY BLOG and I don't care what you think. 

You can judge my top 5 post as a 'fluke' if you'd like but do it somewhere else. This is my world, and I get to run it.

Put the Picture in a Frame

Brooklyn curled up in your lap and my heart went through a beating and a paper shredder and a lawn mower wound it's way across repeatedly and then it was dragged across steamy summer asphalt.

I wish I had a father to curl up to.

It's early, too early. The birds haven't found the words for a song for but I think they've started to open their eyes. I'm alone in bed but grandma is pulling me to the kitchen. She's crying and I don't know why. In the kitchen grandpa's crying too and Simba looks scared.

"Your father is dead" (would have been much easier)

Why couldn't they just spell it out? They had to drag the tears from their eyes to their toes before we could pack our bags an finally go home. I get that they were grieving too, but I'm the one who slept alone with the truth.

I miss Disney Channel movie nights, falling asleep in your arms. I miss the karaoke battles, where you always knew more words. 11 years and you'd think I'd be strong, but it doesn't work like that cause

 Death lives on.

50 shades of

I redid my room because I felt like a baby. The walls were senseless and they didn't understand teenage angst. So I covered them with gray.

My mother thought she would be helpful and sew some curtains and a bedspread. Although I love the thought and the effort, it's matchey-matchey and it makes me feel like a baby.
So my room still doesn't understand what it means to be 17. But I'm not sure I do either.

I don't understand why people use hashtags for random sentences and jokes. Hashtags are meant to tag something generic like #TacoBell or #RomneyRyan2012

When passing a Calculus test is favored but doing well in Chemistry is unsuitable to the praised.

I just get confused.

If it's so annoying to deal with after school traffic, how come everyone does it?

If it's so much easier to study for tests little by little over time, how come no one does?

Driving a car to school is suitable, but getting a car to drive to school makes you spoiled.

J. Crew is actually expensive, but it's also where everyone chooses to shop when Van Heusen and The Loft make some pretty similar stuff.

Girls want teddy bears for Valentine's day but if I told you I asked for a giant teddy bear for Christmas, you'd laugh.

It's only worth it if you're getting money. Money that you're going to spend on the dollar menu because 'you worked hard for that money and you don't want to waste a lot of it.'

Maybe not understanding these things is why I feel inadequate at basketball games and why Instagram refuses me followers. But those probably stem from other personality flaws and I'm pushing the envelope pretending my bedroom curtains are to blame for my incompetence.

Either way I still feel like a baby and I'm running low on gray.