I don't expect you to read this. Hit 'ctrl f' and type in your pen name.

Sorry it's longer than the constitution. (yeah probably just don't)

I remember sitting at Jackie O's and deciding his smiles were not worth all the trouble in his feet. I remember finding out about her blog and feeling like I cracked the Mona Lisa smile. I remember finding out that she remember the middle school headband and thinking of Sheridyn. I remember being invited to her house and being invited to open my eyes that maybe people loved me.
I remember when Sterling Dahl gave me a giant green Valentine. I think it was just to get rid of his Japanese assignment but it was much needed for a 'freshly ex girlfriend'
I remember when I saw Malark Shattux in a new light.  I remember finally believing that he could treat her right.

I remember the state flower of Utah and the capital of Florida.
I remember the cereal box spoons that changed colors in your milk.
I remember making fun of Westfield Singers but secretly wanting to be one.
I remember when Limited Too made you cooler than Justice.

I remember junior year when I told my mom I felt like I had a real friend. Thanks Alis Priddy, you're the best listener/comedian/math slacker I've ever met. and I voted your blog best kept secret. Cause although your words inspired the multitudes no one knew your heart inspired mine.
I remember how empty the commons felt when I found out about Trevor Powers. I thought about his senior year and his brother and the conversations in the weight room.
I remember when June Carter showed me her journal in English. She quoted me on a #stolen page and
Madison Square Garden never would compare.

I remember being too scared to say hi to  Barney Stinson at the grocery store. Or in public wherever we were. I thought he wouldn't know who I was. My mother said that's the best way to make sure he does.
I remember hating witch of the north. He reminded me too much of a boy I'd spent 5 years making bad memories on. Too many lucky pennies and birthday candles lying about their intentions.
I remember a rainy Provo street with Brandon Robbins. I never wanted a roof and he never wanted to rebreak my hoping heart. You should feel lucky, Kinley, he wanted you to come out with so many less scars.

I remember starting a petition against the janitors in the 4th grade.
I remember taking a picture with the janitors on my last day of 4th grade because I wanted to remember them.
I remember when Virginia moved in and told me I had 'nice legs.'
I remember hitting volleyballs onto the boy's side of the gym on 'accident.' Timberline treated me well.

I remember when Scarlet White wrote a letter I'm sure was about her boyfriend and me and the awkwardness of it all. The only thing that broke my heart and the only line I still remember, 'There was a time when I considered us friends."
I remember guessing Ruby McCall's blog on the very first day, but never asking if I was right.
I remember Geez Louise surprising me by being human. Her dad was a mighty man and I thought she was a quiet obedient.
I remember feeling bad for talking over the instructions to the AP Calc test while Jennifer Clark tried to listen. It was my second time around the block and I figured I had mastered bubble filling and sticker placing, so everyone else must have too.
I remember when i killed jfk tried to kiss me. More than once I've wondered why I didn't just let him.
I remember hiking suncrest with him and Juke Box Hero and a girl I wish I didn't remember the name of. We made a seat out of branches and laid down with the lights of the city so the stars would have something to gaze at with their lovers.

I remember when bubbles were electricity and compound wishes floating through the air.
I remember health class being split in two because 8th grade maturity levels are consistent across the board.
I remember learning that expectations and disappointments are positively correlated.
I remember the 'Birthday Booth' tickets. Yellow and unused.

I remember Lily Ann Rose as a blonde. I remember her as tan. I remember her tweet that reached 1,000 favorites.
I remember finding out Bruce Lee knew my name. We'd gone to school together forever, but we'd never had a class or spoken a word.
I remember worshiping Sasha Fierce, the blog and the person, and then finding out they were the same. She makes me laugh through a computer screen, over a desk top, across a school hallway.
I remember favoriting all her tweets while she sat two seats away and waiting for her to be notified.
I remember when Luigi Vampa told me he remembered the first time we met, that I was his first friend. It made me wish I was nicer. It made me wish I had gone out of my way in high school and tried to help somebody instead of trying to be somebody.
I remember conversations about amethyest wine in my floral design class last year. There was a certain ginger we loved to tease and her name was a string we loved to pull.

I remember English with Devestated Daisy. I've never heard funnier things said about Felix. I remember blue hair and how it was the first time I wasnt bugged about girls trying to get attention with an art class explosion. Hers wasn't that, kt was simply her. I remember worshipping every one of her blog posts and stalking every one of her insta posts with her paper bag. I was trying to figure out the bag. I went to the website.

I remember when it was cool to go the football games just to hang out on the practice fields.
I remember ripping my pants in the 6th grade snow.
I remember when Taylor Paskett offered me his jacket and I'll never forgive myself for saying no.

I remember when Simba told me Harold Miner would teach me more about life than writing and I was upset because I wanted to learn how to write.I remember the day I realized I wouldn't give up the lessons he taught for any amount of golden poetry.

I remember DYW and the heels that made me feel like crawling into a cave.
I remember my first rated R movie and how guilty I felt.
I remember my second and my third and how easily the aftershock went away with humanitarian efforts.

I remember seeing Little Fox in the commons early in the morning too many times. I never said hello but I always thought I should.

I remember lotus sutra's hypnotism party, she txted everyone to say thank you. I remember her blonde streak and loving it.
I remember obsessing over pleasefindmehere. I remember the girl with long hair who I always though deserved more than the boy she was dating. I remember a tennis player and the cutest patterned skinny jeans. I remember finding out what happened and wishing I had told her all those times that she was better than everything she was strangled by.
I remember swooning at Sampon's poem about his not-prom-date and worshiping the swerve line a little too hard. I remember the caps lock conversation and the smiles he doesn't know about.
I remember chocolate covered pretzels with The Wolf Boy. It was after seminary and it was a decent weather. We didn't have much to talk about but we had plenty to say.
I remember Miles Halter coming late to practice on his bike. It was all he could talk about. He had fire in his eyes that I wish more people could find.

I remember the bright blue carpet in the basement of my last house. It's the room that kept all the board games.
I remember when Build-A-Bear sold Livestrong bracelets.
I remember the first time I wore a bikini. They were from Brazil and had a playhouse to put the Hannemann's to shame.
I remember the second time I wore a bikini. My mom thought she was a bad influence but I took friendship in any translation I could get it.
I remember The Fairly Odd Parents.

I remember when I used to hold Rothko in the air on nothing more than a set of hands. I have a hard time trusting myself so props to her.
I remember Insolence Is Bliss coming over on my birthday. He brought cookie dough and happiness. I remember he was the first person I was willing to read my poetry to.
I remember the slam in Nelson's room. Charles Darnell spoke brilliance time after time and I would let her pass the time with words for the rest of my life if I could.
I remember when Scarlet Carol wished me happy birthday in the commons. I was on my way out the door to sob in the car until I threw up on the side of the street. It meant a lot to me that even with the awkwardness of the ex and the best friend and the old news, someone was still willing to tell me happy birthday.

I remember trying to trick people on St. Patrick's Day.
I remember when they put a crown on the head of a girl in a yellow dress and she felt like maybe, just maybe, there were people in this school who saw her as something special.
I remember not being allowed to walk to the gas station without and adult.

I remember when Julianna Jane posted the video on instagram and I watched it a hundred times. I was so excited to ask her to come with me but so worried it wouldn't work out.
I remember when Hazel Grace couldn't get the key out of her car in front of Landon Hannemann's house. The car wasn't in park and that was the only night I'll ever be in his house. You taught me a very important gratitude lesson Hazel.
I remember when pumpkinspicelatte told me I was too white to wear skirts. He said I looked tan when I got home from Jamaica. He also apologized when he found out that's my strongest memory of him. Sophomore year. Good times. I remember when he didn't come to seminary and my eyes waited by the door day after day after day.

I remember the 6th grade Valentine's Dance and how I thought my dress was better than everyone else's.
I remember rice krispey treats after soccer games.
I remember salting snails on the sidewalk.
I remember getting a DDD bra for my birthday three years running. My friends signed them with our inside jokes but all I saw written was things we were supposed to remember.

I remember when Cebrina Ator txted me in the 9th grade, "So what are we doing today? :)" I'd never felt so cool in my entire life.
I remember when Shae did my hair for preference and I felt like a movie star. I remember hyperventilating before I went to pick up Cole Johnson and almost passing out.
I remember running for student council and thinking I would win because I was on Dallin Farrel's team.
I remember when Janelle called me over to Daniel's before he left on his mission. We mowed the lawn with our hands and told stories of a tomorrow we didn't want to believe was real.

I remember the juice box's at grandma's house. Unlimited. Next to the fridge. So many sugar highs.
I remember finding out grandma's garden was really an 8 foot swimming pool filled with dirt. What were they thinking?
I remember Push Pops.
I remember the first time I put on a uniform.
I remember playing with polly pockets and getting pissed when their clothes ripped.

I remember when Emma Kay included me at Prom. Even though I was terrible at including her for the last 6 years.
I remember begging Charlie Rose for her blog name around the island at the first mission call opening I didn't show up to alone. There were donuts there. They were good.
I remember Malcom Carter's gray suit (cat call, whistle, swoon.) I remember being worried too many times that I had joined in the jokes about his health and pushed it too far. I just wanted to be in. I just wanted to be funny.
I remember how delicious everything Suzie Zurflu bakes is. If Cole only knew.
I remember when Charles Carmichael didn't wear shoes and we had a conversation in Lyons room. I can't remember what it was about but I left liking him a lot more than I thought I would.

I remember making 'space ships' out of lego's that just looked like boxes.
I remember not turning out the lamp to go to sleep.
I remember seeing Monsters Inc. All my cousins were there.
I remember when the car was broken into and all I wanted was my stuffed pig.

I remember being jealous of how Dimitri Snow looked at insert name here. and then being jealous of how well they danced together on stage. I voted him biggest reveal because I never would have guessed. I remember the first day of class with him. I was freaking out because I kissed his cousin and never called again. I was sure he knew.
I remember Corrine Bailey Ray and Rosie M. Rush being the sweetest. Quiet as a mouse but as fun as a bounce house.
I remember the first time I saw Sky Trillion break. It was a sophomore history class. It was a forrest fire of tears.
I remember the class I had with Peyton Sawyer for two days at the start of my senior year. I always wished I had gotten to know you better.

I remember playing house and always wanting to be 17.
I remember being 17.
I remember wanting my mom to buy me a $60 dollar tiara in the castle in London.
I remember the $10 one she bought at Claire's. I never wore it out of the house but it's falling apart from overuse.

I remember making homemade French fries. Thin potatoes and buckets of salt.

I remember Jern Hayes before I realized how cool he was. Calculus and physics and seminary showed me a side of him living down the street from Erik never could. She's lucky: meg. You're the kinda guy people want to keep around.

I remember no u turn reading at SFYS and changing my life. I remember her in Les Mis and how perfect she was and how I wanted to give Gold Stars to the casting director.
I remember thinking about Shania Edwards. She's straight up and won't tell you something she doesn't mean. She looks like a barbie but she's as real as they come.
I remember when Erik hit Sandra Reid in the face with a volleyball. That was funny. (He felt really bad, though.) I remember when Sandra Reid was the most intimidating person on the planet.
I remember when Maurice Gibb said yes to a dance, so I told everyone. I remember he canceled through Brandon Robbins and how disappointed and dumb I felt.


I remember a lot of things that won't ever matter to you. But I'm going to keep holding on to all these rough draft adventures because someone has to.