Is this real life?

Real Talk.
I check for comments on the daily and I run out of things to like on Instagram. I still have Candy Crush on my phone and I'm still on level 167. One of these days I'll beat it.

Real Talk
My Dad is dead and sometimes I milk it more than I should. My Dad is dead and sometimes it feels like people are laughing that they have it so much better than I do. Sometimes I ask God for his voice or a dance at my wedding. Sometimes it hurts the way I look at my step-father. 8 years a blended family and I still don't know how I feel about him.

Real Talk
I was never the shine on the team. I loved to dance and I loved to sing and I loved to cheer. But I was always the background noise or the front spot or the ensemble.  All I ever wanted was to shine.

Real Talk.
I want to tell you that you make me smile in a different way than I'm used to. That I'm not sure how much I like it yet because every brand wears a little different. That I don't have the time or the energy to go somewhere with my life right now and that's not an excuse, it's the truth.
I want to tell you that I'd like to try, but I know my heart isn't fully healed from the last rental. That I want to learn to be alone again before I try to mess up someone else. That I know it's not worth it if I'm not ready so I'll just keep hitting snooze, and hoping you come back in 15 minutes.

Real Talk
You are lying if you say you've never called yourself fat.You are lying if you say you've never called yourself skinny. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't had to divorce myself from a mirror who worshiped and resented my body all at the same time.

Real Talk
 I've got a lot of problems. I've got medication on my dresser to attack disorders I still won't admit I have. I like to think of myself as a positive person but I'm scared the pills paint my smiles. I hate to gossip but it's my number one hobby and I wonder when I'll grow up and stop needing back stabbing validation. It's the first thing I'd tell you I'm trying to change about myself.

Real Talk
I'm cutest couple in the yearbook with a boy who won't make conversation with me about the weather. If that's not awkward I don't know what is. I don't even know if I'm allowed to ask him to sign the page. And I guess I can be thankful we haven't sunk to subtweets and painful comments, but I still wish we were above echoing silence and dinner left out to get cold.

Real Talk.
I have no idea what I'm going to read for the slam or how to write something that makes you remember me after they hand us our diplomas, after we wave goodbye to the lockers we never used. But real talk, I want you to remember me. I don't want to be a face in your hallway I want to be Sarah Matthews. That girl that comes up in conversation a  few months from now and you wonder what I'm up to. and maybe that's all the bucket list was really about, but who knows.

Real Talk
I'm not a trashy person but Saturday night you'd think I was raised by wolves. And there are a thousand more I wish I would have kissed. Around the fire names were taunted and I didn't have a single objection. and maybe that's just how I thought I could be remembered. But garbage gets put on the curb on Thursdays and it's never thought of again. Or so they tell me.


REAL TALK
we all feel inadequate for different reasons. We all have growing pains and water balloon lungs that feel better under summer sun. Every last one of us looked at the sky at least once as a child and saw a future we've probably given up on. Popsicles and lemonade stands, the sidewalk used to be for more than just walking. And so were our hearts.

Real Talk:
This world needs more Cameron Mitchell fans.