My, (or so I thought)

This one goes out to the sophomores. The cheerleaders especially. This one goes out to the girls who already weigh less than average and don't understand that. For the girls who were told to lose weight, to work out, to stop eating. For the broken smiles and acid washed teeth I see myself in every day.

Your dreams are not worth trading for a pair of size 00's. Trust me. You're going to need more than a sugar IV and half a cliff bar to get there.

The most expensive brands will tell you that your salvation comes through two fingers to the back of your throat and the water at the dinner table will taunt you until it fills more of your life than you do. The first 10 pounds, the first milestone, the first pair of jeans and swimsuit and boy who looks at you as an object will validate your progress in a braided way. Lies mixed with the truth, working from the outside in.

An elevator down and a staircase up. Soup will become your very best friend and your very worst time. You will crawl into a jail cell and ask them to lock you away from yourself. But they will give you a spare key in case you need a drink break. Don't take the drink break. They will give you a blanket of warm thoughts and happy memories, but all you'll see if how skinny you were in the pictures. You'll frame a hand stitched promise and you'll memorize every mistake the needle made because of your hands.

and you'll drop enough weight to forget happiness altogether.

You'll have problems child, you'll never look at boys the same and you'll never underthink the way they look at you. The magazine covers will never be edited and you will glorify the dizziness that sets in when your feet step on dry ground. Anna and Mia will take over your cell phone and no one will get a word in or out.

Your dreams are not worth trading for a pair of size 00's.

Because when you think you have swam oceans to become a new you, you'll hit new landmarks with new sights to see and new reasons to crave thin. Because you will take every airplane ride out of this Hell and every boat and every back road and every bike ride away from the city and you'll still end up somewhere you can't call home. and you'll want a drink break from the running.

This one goes out to the girls on the fence. With one foot in the kiddie pool and one foot in the tanning bed. This one goes out to the secret formula worshippers and the thigh gap wanters. This one goes out to the mistakes that don't need to be made. Your dreams are not worth the double 0.